Making Sense of Things

I tend to shy away from the things that I can't understand or comprehend. For example, my integration course slightly terrifies me. How do you become a truly integrated person? When you try think about that question in regards to every single thing that it encompasses it can be a daunting task. One which I fail to articulate comprehensibly. But when I try to boil it down to it's very essence, it's not so complicated at all.

For me it seems a natural notion that my professional life is influenced by my personal faith. I wouldn't be pursuing a helping profession if I didn't feel called to help others. If I didn't feel a deep sense of vocation to this field I would have settled for an easier career. To me psychology and Christianity have never been separate.  It is why I have been drawn to existential theories in psychology. Everyone struggles with those big life questions of meaning and purpose. Everything I do is through the lens of a Christian worldview. I look to the very heart of scripture to guide my life and to discover what is truly important. It isn't how much research you have done, how well you excel in school, or how much training you've had. Certainly these are all good things, but in the end God doesn't care about credentials.

It has taken me a long time to realize this. Ironically, this realization has come at a time when I'm entering one of the highest levels of education one can achieve. And somehow, I feel a sense of peace knowing that my worth is not in my personal achievements. Nothing that I can accomplish will make God love me more than he already does. Nothing I do can offer me the salvation that I have already been granted in the death and resurrection of Christ.

These are things I've always heard but never truly accepted. Maybe it's because I grew up feeling that if I didn't excel in all areas of life that my father wouldn't love me or that I had to prove to him my worth. And maybe this struggle with proving my worth to my father was extended to my relationship with my heavenly Father. Who knows? But for some reason I finally understand. No matter what I'm doing with my life, so long as I am striving to act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with my God, I am going to be on the right path.

This has been a day of enlightenment. I pray that I can remember this as the anxiety and pressure of the year builds.