This Is My Prayer

Lord, rescue us from ourselves.

We are such a broken people.

We are blind to the pain of others.

We think only of ourselves.

Teach us to sacrifice for one another as you have sacrificed for us.

Open our eyes to see the suffering of our brothers and sisters.

Move our hearts to change social conventions.

Give us Kingdom eyes.

Help us to show compassion for those in need.

Help us to see what in this life is truly important and what is trivial.

Teach us how to forgive others as we have been forgiven.

Teach us to love one another as the Father loves us.

Help us to bring the reign of God here on earth.

Making Sense of Things

I tend to shy away from the things that I can't understand or comprehend. For example, my integration course slightly terrifies me. How do you become a truly integrated person? When you try think about that question in regards to every single thing that it encompasses it can be a daunting task. One which I fail to articulate comprehensibly. But when I try to boil it down to it's very essence, it's not so complicated at all.

For me it seems a natural notion that my professional life is influenced by my personal faith. I wouldn't be pursuing a helping profession if I didn't feel called to help others. If I didn't feel a deep sense of vocation to this field I would have settled for an easier career. To me psychology and Christianity have never been separate.  It is why I have been drawn to existential theories in psychology. Everyone struggles with those big life questions of meaning and purpose. Everything I do is through the lens of a Christian worldview. I look to the very heart of scripture to guide my life and to discover what is truly important. It isn't how much research you have done, how well you excel in school, or how much training you've had. Certainly these are all good things, but in the end God doesn't care about credentials.

It has taken me a long time to realize this. Ironically, this realization has come at a time when I'm entering one of the highest levels of education one can achieve. And somehow, I feel a sense of peace knowing that my worth is not in my personal achievements. Nothing that I can accomplish will make God love me more than he already does. Nothing I do can offer me the salvation that I have already been granted in the death and resurrection of Christ.

These are things I've always heard but never truly accepted. Maybe it's because I grew up feeling that if I didn't excel in all areas of life that my father wouldn't love me or that I had to prove to him my worth. And maybe this struggle with proving my worth to my father was extended to my relationship with my heavenly Father. Who knows? But for some reason I finally understand. No matter what I'm doing with my life, so long as I am striving to act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly with my God, I am going to be on the right path.

This has been a day of enlightenment. I pray that I can remember this as the anxiety and pressure of the year builds.

A Whole New World

So I've been in Pasadena, CA for a little over two weeks now. I think I'm slowly beginning to assimilate. At first the thought of living 2,000 miles away from everything and everyone I loved terrified me to death, but now I'm starting to accept that this is my new life. I'm experiencing a completely new culture. Somehow I knew that I would love California. Maybe it's the consistently beautiful weather. Maybe it's the endless opportunities to try something new. I don't feel quite at home yet, but I can see Pasadena being my home for the next few years (not that I have much of a choice in the matter).

I am ready for this new chapter of my life to begin. The pen is in my own hands. The next 5 years will be whatever I make of them. It might not always be an exciting story, but it's mine. The last chapter had so many great adventures that I'm not sure how this one is going to compare, but I'm optimistic. Okay, enough with the cheesy metaphors.

5 things I love about LA:
There is always something to do
I am meeting a lot of great people
There is so much culture
Pasadena is beautiful
I'm in grad school

5 things I hate about LA:
The traffic
My friends are too far away
It's expensive
Smog
I'm in grad school.

Grad school is a beast, a terrifying one at that. It's going to be a long 5 years and I pray to God that I can do this. My cohort is amazing and full of incredibly intelligent individuals. There's nothing more humbling than realizing that everyone around you has more experience than you. I know that this program is going to change me as a person, I just hope that it's for the better. I pray that I'm strong enough to get through this program and that I can resist the temptation to doubt myself and let the anxiety consume me. I know that this is where I need to be. This is where I'm called to. God wouldn't open this path for me if it wasn't the road I was to take. Even if things don't work out the way that I envision them, there is comfort in knowing that God has placed me here at this time for some purpose.

I feel like Viktor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning is an appropriate text to apply to my life right now. There is comfort in knowing that there is meaning in all things. So long as I can maintain a sense of purpose for life, I can make it through any circumstance. My success in this program does not determine who I am as a person. My identity comes from who I am in Christ. So long as I strive to love others and seek the Kingdom of God, I am on the right path.

And the journey continues...